artwork and article by Michael Meulstee (click for larger image)

I sit down to write as a way to reflect.  At this very moment in my life when there is no other thing to be certain about besides your provision and grace I cling to that and I pray that my sin will not cause me to mishear what you’re doing to shape and mold me into something better than myself.

I feel a sense of Déjà vu; this time last year when I needed your help, your wisdom, more than anything I needed your comfort; you came through in only ways that you can.  You took my lack of trust, my discomfort, my fear and blew it away. Took it away and returned with trust that all the promises I made in those prayers; in those talks where I talked at you rather than talked with you… you trusted me, you trusted I would keep my word.  You trusted that all of those fearful, manipulative and selfish things that I said would ultimately be used for your good.  I said and promised so many things; if you would just come through for me on this one thing… if you just helped me once more I would be a better believer;  I would read more; I would pray more; witness more; serve more; do. more.

You knew I would fall short of my foolish promises, my seemingly earnest statements.  You knew what was in my heart, you knew that in all of the things I said, the promises I would keep; the promises that I would let slip. You came through and gave me more than I asked for.  You didn’t promise anything; you just gave.  You give to someone as broken as I; a person who will say the most and do the least; everything I wanted and more than I needed

Thank you for being a God of compassion, a God of grace, a God who can sift through the filth of my heart and show me the beauty that you put there.  Lord thank you for the way you break my heart, thank you for the way you let my soul be beaten, thank you for the way you show me my dry bed, thank you. Thank you for never failing me when I have. My prayer is that you would teach me what to pray.  I pray for what I cannot do.  I pray that you would meet me here and give me the wisdom of what to pray for… and the ability to listen; cause’ in this storm… I get washed away.

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