Reform & Revive

Entering in a new degree thereof
Against one’s will
I will be enabled
To live once more again

Ah, to live!

And give glory to the One who gives glory
To the meek
Of which
I am
Not

Yet . . .

Being thrust to moment to moment
In my life-long “awkward stage”
Into lives I don’t want to
But must,
and will,
for my will
Has been seized
And captured
By another.

Another so beautiful
All-wonderful
Satisfaction of satisfactions
Pleasure of pleasures
Joy of joys
Pain of pains.

Then one lost is now one found

Like the pink head
Of a plastic hippo
Whose heart is blue,
Whose unrenewed mind lies lonely at the bottom
Of a dirty garbage heap.

And the Renewed stands in silent reflection
Amidst the sounds of little children-
The sounds of an innocence they have not.
While dancing in circles swirling in safe adoration
Of a will they have not either

But may.  At some appointed time.

As I sit.
In this park.
On this day.
With these thoughts.
On this heart.
And this mind.

Contemplating the eccentricities of a life
Lived with purpose
in the Already But Not Yet.

Lord do I praise Thee at all times?  Is that Biblical, even?  What is worship?  That which declares and proclaims the Glory of God, through treasuring it, I suppose.  Could Creation then worship?  Could I, even when eating, drinking, and making merriment with fellow embattled saints come to treasure, declare, and proclaim all You Are, Say, and Be - Your Glory?  Your Manifold Perfection breaking through my leisure and feast and satisfactions to be ushered in as a herald to Your coming Kingdom already at hand?  Does this prose and poetry bring the Reality of You and Your Kingdom that much more into this world?  Is this the way you made us - made this system - to work?  This whole “Christianity” thing?  Perhaps obedience is worship.  Perhaps I must end this now and worship.  Command what Thou will, and give what Thou commands.

In love,
Your favorite.

Now looking through the glass not dim, Coltrane all around;
he sets a tone of dissonance, rightly now it seems.
For as the beauty clothes me in, a tragedy is found:
woodchips below - a resting place - long for love supreme.

For there he lies with outstretched span, stricken by a car;
afflicted by our fallenness, and smitten by our thorns.
He struggles with the weight of pain, not getting very far.
To stop, release his spirit’s breath - give way to Death’s dark door.

I prayed a prayer, and thought some thoughts, and something in me burned.
Oh I see my Savior, the pains he took!  For me: protect,
for prone to wander, weak I am, to that which I once yearned.
Until you did in me and Him- my soul: You resurrect.

Now to show He heard my prayer and strengthen my weak frame,
up pops the bird, into the air.  My soul shall do the same.

When the moon blinds my eyes with its radiance in comparison to the deepness of the blue-black sky, and I attempt to fathom the vastness of the Milky Way and the galaxies beyond…

O for a thousand tongues to sing/My great Redeemer’s praise!
The glories of my God and King! The triumphs of His grace!

But how can I call for a thousand tongues when this one wretched soul cannot even bid every ounce of her being into focus on the praise of His name?

I identify with David when he cried, “Praise the Lord, O my soul!”
Soul! Praise His Holy Name!

Considering the beauty of the sky and stars that sing magnificent harmonies to the Creator, how can this sinful woman praise you?

…You, the King of the Universe.

I know the story. I remind myself daily. The Glorious God, lacking in nothing, chose to create a race of ultimately inglorious men and women.
We are told it was for His glory that we are created (Isaiah 43:1-7, 48:9-11)

With one of our first exercises of will we rebel. We aspired to become God.

Made from the dust of the earth (gen 2:7), with a lifespan like that of a blade of grass (ps 103:15-16), carrying the status of a maggot or worm (job 25:6) when compared to the majesty of God.

A worm! A worm attempted to become God!

Yet we are worse than maggots, more filthy than worms! Have worms rebelled against their Creator? Have they ever strived for autonomy? Have they disdained God by behaving as if He were inconsequential in their lives?

No.

So how can such a rebellious, despicable race as we bring glory to the Creator of the stars?

Listen: He will transform us. He will cleanse us from our sin. He will deliver us from our uncleanness. He will give us a new heart and a new spirit. He will put His laws within our hearts and cause us to obey His rules. And we will be His people and He will be our God. (Ez 36:21-32)

We are the benefactors of His glorification of Himself. Let us be ashamed of our iniquities. Let us not seek to be more than we are! Let boasting cease. Let us be nothing but a reflection of glory of our King.

And let us look to the Savior with Isaac Watts:

Alas and did my Savior bleed
And did my Sovereign die
Would He devote that sacred head
For such a worm as I
Was it for sins that I had done
He groaned upon the tree
Amazing pity, grace unknown
And love beyond degree

My God why would
You shed Your blood
So pure and undefiled
To make a sinful one like me
Your chosen precious child

Well might the sun in darkness hide
And shut His glories in
When Christ the mighty Maker died
For man the creature’s sin
Thus might I hide my blushing face
While His dear Cross appears
Dissolve my heart in thankfulness
And melt my eyes to tears

-amy